satanromps:

(I LUB cheeseits! But is another ting dat da huumans say I can’t hab. To bad dey left it down here. I shredded da bag up but got caught before I cud eet any. D: Stuupid huumans!)

U dun. U find a friend dat has one an ferretsit it. Or u moove out of yer parents cause a ferret will destroy dat house. Believe me. I have. dook dook dook. 

Ferrets liek me are fun but a lotta wrk. Here are sum fun facts about us ferrets that I’ve taught da huumans about:

1.) Ferrets have no servival instincts. I love trying to make friends wit all the friendly moving cars! 

2.) Us ferrets have a natural dank “musky” smell dat we alwaus habe. Bathing makes it worse but we ALWAYS get into tings. My huumans keep saying dey need to “babyproof” da house so I stop sleeping in dere pots and pans. 

Ferrets hab been shown to be as smart and inquisitive as a 2 year old.

3.) Ferrets have a vry short digestive track and so anytime we eet we poop a few hours later. Because of dis bad tings like salmonilla can be in my poop bu it wont affect me. 

4.) Speaking of poop, did u know dat most ferrets (between 50-70%) are never fully litterbox trained? Im half an half eben though da huumans hab been teaching me for over 2 years. sumtimes I mambember to go to da box but I’ll usually find da nearest corner and poop dere.

An cause of all da bad tings dat can’t hurt me ferret poop molds super fast. liek a week fast. An I poop a ton. Cages and litter boxes need to be scrupped top to bottom every other day and spot cleaned da days u dun cleaned da cage. so ebery day u hav ta pick up poop. I can fill my litterbox full of poop in 2 days! My huumans say dat Im small an cute liek a puppy but poop liek a horse. I tink dats a good ting? 

5.) once we find sumting we liek we neber let it go. We will claw, scrath and bite for hours at a door jus to see what’s behind it. da huumans keep telling be it’s bad fer da door but da door neber told me it dun liek it.

6.) I (liek lots of us) liek eeting rat dedder, foam, packing peanuts, gummy tings (liek key ring gummies, shoe insoles and wiimote holders) string and cloth but da huumans say I can’t because it makes me die. Did you know ant dedder smells like peanut butter? Peanut butter is one of my most favoritest tings in da world.

I once hid one of my huumans house keys for 2 months! Dey still haven’t found dere expensive pair of shoe insoles.

7.) Fud is another fun ting. Ferret food is expensive. We have a very strict diet of meat. See da fiesta brand ferret fud at wallmart? Is cheep, yes? Yes. But see da corn and nuts and seeds? Dats killed us. Dun get dat food unless you want a ded ferret. we need a meat based fud diet not to rich in fish fats or grain. We can’t process grain so to much makes us not poop and die. marshalls fud is a gud fud to get but is expenciver den cat or dog fud. http://www.ferret.com/item/marshall-premium-ferret-diet/650681/

Speaking of fud we love all tings sweet! Sugar, rasins, bananas, marshmellows, apples (no peel!), grapes (no peel!), lollypops, eberyting. But we can get diabetic really easially an can frow “temper tantrums” and starve ourselfs cause u stopped gibing us da yummies. 

8.) ferrets sleep a lot an need lots of play. We sleep for 18 hours in spurts of a few hours each and need to play wit u fer 5 out of da 6 hours we’re awake or we get really really depressed and stop eeting.

Starvation in a ferret sets in after 48 hours.

We also lub making fud and water messes. I claw into my water ebery time before I drink. If I can knock it all onto the floor I win!

9.) we hab really poor eyesight and dep percipetion. Mixed wit out super curiosity its a bad ting. I’ll often climb up as high as I can go (I can touch the ceiling if I go up da right shelves!) and jump from shelf to shelf to do so. I’ve fallen and gotten hurt before and da huumans told me dat some ferrets hab died from dat but I still do it whenever dere not looking.

10.) Ferrets are social animals. Unlike cats and dogs we need friends. So you should get at least 2 or tree of us. but you gotta make sure we get along and get shots. dere are lots of ferret shots an dere expensive (about $100 each at cheap places here.) an like cats an dogs we need to gets dem ebery year. an vets dat say dey know ferrets dun know about ferrets. My tail was changing colors and getting icky because da huumans were washing me two much but da vet sayd is cause I was peeing on my tail. I know pee on my tail! Dats gross!

So if u hab lots of money, time, patshunce, luv cleaning up my messes and want at least 3 “kids” den a furret is tots gud fer u. If knot den find a friend dat has dem an ferretsit. Dey’ll let you.